Ebb + Flow

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. -Lao Tzu

I used to hate change. Somewhere though, along the last 26 years of this road I’ve been on, I have grown to wish for it. I get so absorbed in how happy I’m going to be that sometimes I forget that happiness is now. I’ve spoken to so many people who tell me they can’t wait to be in a certain place in life, I do it too. I even talk about how excited I am for my friends in Seattle to come visit me when I eventually move back to Colorado. But what about what’s happening today? Or tomorrow even?  I like to think I’m good at being in the present, but I too am guilty of thinking about what’s next. Every once in awhile I feel like it’s okay to just wade in the water and enjoy what’s going on around you. A friend and classmate told me that’s what life is all about… the ebbs and flows of the ride we’re on. I used to believe in timing. But now I believe that it’s the chances you take wherever you are in your life that makes you happiest. I look around myself and see so many people waiting for a good time to leave or stay or do something…including me.

As I sit here surrounded by so many with a “timeline” I want to emphasize that there will never be a right time for really anything. Today someone asked me what I thought was ultimately most important in life. I want to reiterate the unwavering lace of the importance of people throughout my writing. In the end, I think it’s going to be the people that mattered. Above all else, it’s going to be the people who influenced you, who changed you, and who meant something to you that you remember. Do things now. Say what you mean, now. And be who you want to be to the people you surround yourself with, right now.

Don’t y’all worry, I’m really talking to myself right now……..I still need to work on liking change as much as I say that I do. I’m also currently in sleepyville “trying” to manage and balance all things that is life currently. Bare with me as I jot down these reminders of what I should be focusing on and want to remember….as life continues to be busy.

xoxo

The Sweet Things Lately….. everything.

hello my old heart.

Before I begin. I know some of you will say I’m wrong, some will say I’m naive. Some will tell me to just wait. But I disagree, and I from the bottom of my heart think I will continue to hold my steadfast belief that life doesn’t ever have to get so hard as we make it seem. No, I’m in no way disregarding those who have had rougher times than I have because from my standpoint, I’m a lucky human being and I realize and am thankful for that. I also know that you get what you give. And I know that I can say honestly that I love people, I have the ability to follow my passion, and I can do it in a way without leaving my people behind.

It’s been 8 months….EIGHT. Since I moved away from Colorado for graduate school. There have been several times that I sit here thinking to myself, for lack of better words “shit, maybe I shouldn’t have left…maybe I wasn’t supposed to…” Then I close my eyes and tell myself to breathe because it’s okay to know when you deserve something. When you deserve a new experience, and deserve the chance to explore and be thankful for new relationships. This doesn’t have to be so dramatic to say it’s the end of a chapter….I’d rather say it’s an addition. My experience is widening, my community is growing and there aren’t enough words in the universe to explain how I feel when I catch myself realizing I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Going home a couple weekends ago was something my heart needed. I needed to be reminded that my best friends and my amazing family are still there for me to come home to. My heart needed to feel that comfort of old friendships and reunions in the name of compassion. This is in much of the same way that I need to remember there is an endless amount of world to still explore, even if it’s a new drive only twenty minutes away. I’m equally pulled between the comfort of home and the excitement of leaving.

This wasn’t even my point of this whole post. I guess there doesn’t have to always be some big point. I thought about venting about personalities that get me going, that make me wonder why they care so much about how other people are and what other people do. We have too much in our own yard to worry about to be adding in stress from other people’s lives we can’t control.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living, I want to know what you ache for. It doesn’t interest me how old you are, I want to know if you are willing to risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine. It doesn’t interest me where you live or how rich you are, I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and be sweet to the ones you love. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and truly like the company you keep in the empty moments of your life. -Oriah

Photo by Julia Weiman.

Photo by Jill Weiman.

…with love.

The Sweet Things Lately -

San Juan Island + Friday Harbor + The Twinsies Visit + New Quarter + Easter Brunch + Serendipity Used Book Shop + Sea Otter Family + Bonfire + Little Coney + Cal Anderson Park + Spring rain + Real life Moonrise Kingdom + Give Me Love + My fellow Colorado Dancers are putting on an amazing show, check it out and support

Pure Happiness.

Thousands of tired, nerve-shaken, over-civilized people are beginning to find out going to the mountains is going home; that wilderness is a necessity. -John Muir

There are so many things to be happy for right now. Everything is shifting. My dad is putting his name in for a gunsmith school. My cousin got accepted to work at a camp in Anacortes, WA over the summer. Everyone was reunited this past weekend in my surprise trip back home. Do you know what all of this has in common? Passion. Passion for what we do, for what we dream to do and for the people we love. It’s so important to follow what we believe in and what makes us honestly happy. I’m thankful to say I learned this early on in life.

I feel like I hit the jackpot in Seattle. When I’m with my friends I can look around and know that I am in the company of simply, great people. One of the best compliments I think you could ever receive from somebody is that they like your friends. Lucky for me, I feel like I fell right into a pool of those kind of people.

I have no big thoughts today. Just a general happy feel coming from all around. I’ll leave you with a few pictures of the sweet things lately…

The sweetness of surprising everybody at home for the weekend + Straight A’s + First Springtime bonfire + Cal Anderson + Coastal Kitchen + My Favorite Twins + New friends + Housewarming Gathering + Sunshine + Olympic Peninsula + Bainbridge + Woodland Park Zoo + Movie Night + Homemade Mussels + Discovery Park + The Airport + The Art of Racing in the Rain + Alki on a Sunday Morning + Hot Cakes + Lucca + Getting my passport + Fremont Sunday Market

…with love.

The delicacy of letting go.

Dear Optimism,

A friend today asked me if I’ve written in the past about friendships or relationships and when to know you should let certain ones go. hmmm,  that question buzzed in my ear as I can 100% relate to this subject presently. It’s not a secret that I use this platform as an undisclosed (one sided) conversation to those who get my “this is what I think…” wheels turning, but I think I dance around the blatancy of that fact so delicately that it could be I never really let it go, or make it too vague as in that it could apply to many different subjects. I’ve been on both ends of this dance. I personally have a hard time letting people go hence my “kumbaya I want everyone to be together” stance, though many of you might disagree. There is a point when people become unhealthy to your life.

I’m curious to how all of you manage your relationships. When a friendship becomes too one sided do you take a step back and let that person hang out in the wings of your life, allowing them a little bit in every now and again? Or do you say enough is enough, the only way to take care of myself in this situation is to cut things off?

I can play my never ending role of the devil’s advocate in any of your situations, however every situation is completely different. And every person has a different definition for the word friend. My blessing of having and keeping a handful of incredible people in my life allows me to let go of those non-mutual relationships a little bit easier.

Let’s get personal shall we?

First of all let me start by saying, I do not by any means want to come off as the be all, know all here. I’m merely writing from my own experience. It’s my opinion. If you don’t like what I say… don’t read it. Simple.

Mutuality –  

We’ve all had friends who probably think they are being your greatest friend. Yet, when you have a serious conversation with them. You being the one who listens to their all encompassing thoughts on life, find it hard to want to listen once you realize that when they seem to be listening to you, they are however, too lost in their own mind to acknowledge anything you’ve said. The one who is too busy thinking about what they are going to say or too busy relating what you’ve just said to their own life. (!!!) This is not mutual. If you find yourself too many times on the giving end… on the listening ear end and rarely on the receiving end of a friendship, this is not an equal relationship. The flip side is that we are all probably guilty of this from time to time. Again, I believe it depends on your limits and how much of the caretaker role you can take of being.

Expectations -

Some of my all time favorite friendships are those that you don’t expect too much out of, yet you can go months without seeing or talking to them and pick up right where you left off. The absolute best, I tell you. If you get over the idea that a “good” friend is someone who is able to talk to or see you every day, you will find a certain quality to the people in your life. Send a little bit of light and love to everyone who means something to you every so often and it should be able to keep your connections strong. This is all I personally expect… a little give, a little take.

Ugh, try as I might I’m not sure if this helped my dear friend. But I do with all of my heart believe that the people in your life who are meant to be there, will stay and it won’t be such hard work to keep them there. It’s okay to let go sometimes. Each and every one of the beautiful people who are in my life are there for a reason and you offer something special to the world, if you believe that too and open your heart, you will never be lonely.

“You can’t measure the mutual affection of two human beings by the number of words they exchange.” -Milan Kundera

…with love.

Grey Area.

“There are two ways to look at life. The first view is that nothing stays the same and that nothing is inherently connected, and that the only driving force in anyone’s life is entropy. The second is that everything pretty much stays the same (more or less) and that everything is completely connected, even if we don’t realize it.” ― Chuck Klosterman

Dear Optimism,

Because everything is in a state of constant evolvement, some place you deem to be intimidating is actually someone else’s safe place. It might be the safest place they’ve ever known. I was thinking about this as I drove to work today. I caught myself thinking about how I wouldn’t want to live in the area I was driving through for whatever reason, but then realized this is the place someone else grew up…this is a place someone else probably drives to every so often just to feel a little piece of home.  It’s interesting how your experiences drive your feelings about someplace so intensely. In your mind, everything about that place is still the same, you go back there because you think it has the ability to make you feel the same. As we get older, and really leave to experience new, everything, it’s awkward and wonderful all at once to go back to what helped you find your way in the past.

Because Punxsutawney Phil didn’t see his shadow, Spring is supposed to be on its way. Spring is always on its way though isn’t it? Change and new beginnings always come sooner than we think, or sooner than we want it to.    Sometimes, if you’re lucky you can make change what you want it to be. Sometimes you realize after the fact that it’s everything it is meant to be. I think it’s wise to learn which “bridges you should cross and which you should burn.” Just like Spring, everything in your life can be regarded as a season. Figure out what works for you and find a way to go back to that place when life gets overwhelming. What works for you doesn’t have to be what’s working for others, don’t force it. By all means keep your responsibility for what you do in check but know that not everything is black and white…

There’s always going to be grey.

-with love.

The Sweet Things Lately -

My Grandparents spur of the moment visit + New Roommate + Champagne Brunch + Valentine’s Day Cards + Bait Shop + Wild Wheat + Chuck Klosterman + Joyride around Alki + Cards Against Humanity + 3 visitors coming soon + Late night happy hour at Toulouse Petit + Sunshine + Rainy Days + My Cousins

The Irrefutable Ambition of Youth

It strikes me that this may be one of the differences between youth and age: when we are young, we invent different futures for ourselves; when we are old, we invent different pasts for others. -Julian Barnes

What would you do if you knew you could not fail? If money were no object? If time didn’t exist?

Many told me New Yorkers are cold hearted… The first week I lived there I can probably count 10 random strangers who helped me find my way. Most told me the sun never comes out in Seattle… For the first 50 days it was beating down like it didn’t know how to go away. People told me I wouldn’t find a job in NY…I found one in the first 14 days. A few told me I wouldn’t find a job in Seattle to pay the rent… My current job is my highest paid job yet. The point is, I didn’t know that I would not fail. Money is definitely an object. And time is still ticking away. This is how life will continue to be. If you don’t ever take that one chance, how will you ever walk down the path only you know that you want the most?

A little bird told me that young people will always eventually understand older people but older people will never understand the young. I on the other hand have had the pleasure of meeting a handful of people over 60 who have understood me more than most. So, I’m not sure if it’s the difference in age or the difference between the people that leave and those that stay. Or different kind of people in general. My job will soon be to understand the young, to be able to connect to them and they to me. It’s when we stop trying to connect to people that we lose touch and this ageism I so often see comes about. Why wouldn’t we continue to try and understand the young? If lines weren’t drawn and we were all merely voices I am confident you would relate to somebody you never thought you could.

The next time someone tells you about a hope or dream….or a simple plan they have, think about why you are bringing in the negative side. They still see something in the world that you might not, they still believe that anything is possible. To each their own, gosh dang it….to each their own.

p.s. I am ABSOLUTELY loving Washington day by day. It is a beautiful state, so come visit anytime :)

Happy New Year from Seattle.

First time boarding in 4 years!

Beautiful Snow.

Can’t complain about our new office view.

…with love.

Two Thousand Thirteen.

Dear Optimism,

Why do so many of us thrive off of a new year? It’s like it is the only chance out of 365 days that we can “start over”… but the residue of what we’ve created the rest of however many days we’ve lived doesn’t go away does it? And who’s to say we want it to? Spirits are higher, new wishes are made and those of you who aren’t quite as nostalgic of a creature as I am take this one day to pick apart what exactly happened the year before. Did you get a new job? Did you meet that special person? Move? Give up a habit? Start a new one? Or were you strumming along day after day with nothing new arriving at your footsteps? In that case, (which I doubt) I believe the start of a new year gives us the chance to re-create ourselves, especially if we feel like we need another chance. I’m thankful for this day because it’s a day that I know most everyone is doing exactly what I am. Giving up a little of what’s not good for us, shedding light on what will help… and being thankful for what we do have.

Let’s get personal…

This year I can be grateful that I’ve met some new incredible human beings that have shown me what friendships are meant to be. They’ve helped me to let go of what’s been weighing me down and at the very least made me breathe easy at knowing what kind of people are out in the world. I’ve learned that the career I’ve wished to embark upon for the last 12 years is still the right way to go. I’ve learned patience & responsibility….and I’m learning that if I want to keep the traditions in my life going, it’s important to be happy while carrying them through. This year I learned what it’s like to lose somebody in my family and how incredibly powerful it is to hear something as simple as a song that reminds you of them…it can bring you to tears…in the middle of a yoga class. I learned how it’s both vastly different and utterly the same at home when you go back to visit after moving away. And like I too have felt the pang of a friend who’s moved away call their new place of living “home” I have seen somebody cringe at my regard of Seattle as home. I’ve learned how extremely selfish people can be and I’ve more importantly learned how selfless others can be. Thank God for that.

“Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.” -Benjamin Franklin

Cheers to wherever your heart may lie, your wishes, dreams and by gosh let’s hope some imagination & creativity with how you live your life this coming year. (We did survive the apocalypse did we not?)

…with love.